human!Karkat x Reader - The Boy With a Fiery Heart

NO WARNING BECAUSE IT IS KARKAT DUH. heh.~


{here’s to the night i stood alone,
to the night i cried so hard i
couldn’t breathe, to the night i prayed
for him to come back to me, and of
course to the night
where he never looked back}

Karkat x Reader

His name was Karkat Vantas, and he was your soul, your very breath.

His name was Karkat Vantas, and you’ve been hopelessly in love with him since you first landed eyes on him your freshmen year.

His named was Karkat Vantas, and you’ve officially been head over heels for seven hundred and twenty nine days, today going to be the seven hundred and thirtieth within the next few hours.The very thought that you’ve been in love with him for two years now makes your whole face flush as you stand in front of the mirror, biting your lip as you look at what you were wearing.

It was strange to wear what you did - you never wore skirts or frilly tops, but Kanaya had somehow managed to get you into this outfit. She was so manipulative, and you almost were tempted to not wear what she had gotten you. You knew that if you so much as showed up to the school without this outfit on, however, Kanaya would pound you in the face, “for not being a lady and attending to her wishes.” Shaking your head, you frown and smooth your hands over the skirt.

It was a white lace miniskirt, and pale pink top with a lace collar whose detailing matched the lace on the skirt perfect. You never really understand how Kanaya could match things so delicately and so lovely - and if this outfit was for you, you could only imagine what the other girls’ outfits look like. Your stomach churches at the thought - Terezi probably was wearing something gorgeous. Biting your lip, you pull on your hair that you straightened last night; Kanaya had come over to do it for you, saying that, “I knew you wouldn’t do it yourself.” She went off on a rant to you about how to look, “presentable,” and how what you wear sometimes makes her “want to punch herself in the face.”

You smile at the memory and grab your slip on brown sandals, exposing your freshly painted nails. You didn’t know why, but Kanaya thought you needed to look perfect this year. Your stomach fills with butterflies as you think about Karkat. Maybe you could get him to like you? Terezi always used to dress up -

Your thoughts are cut off as you hear your cell phone ringing. You shuffle to pick it up, seeing Kanaya’s number across the screen. Accepting the call, you put it in between the crook of your neck and your shoulder as you put on your backpack. “Hello?” you say, waiting for Kanaya to speak.

“(Y/n), you do realize that you are supposed to meet all of us up at 7:30, yes? So we can hang out before classes?” Kanaya’s voice was so polite, even to her friends. She spoke so proper - her family was filled with people who were either a stick in the mud or “so-kind-i-want-to-throw-up,” people.

“Shit,” you swore as you look at the time. It was 7:20, and you live at least 15 minutes away from school. “I’m only way. See you there?”

“You’ll see me here,” she promises. “And hurry up, if you want to see him.”

Your whole face floods and you really hope your crush isn’t that noticeable. You had told Kanaya and Rose, seeing as you knew you could trust them. You’re almost positive nobody else knew about it, because if this information even fell into the wrong hands... you would rather die than be told by Karkat that he doesn’t like you back.

The two of you had been friends since halfway through freshman year. You had started to hang out with Nepeta and Equius in hopes of getting to him - and because Nepeta and Equius were nice people. They had been your first friends in the large group, though you knew that you were always kind of awkward around the two of them. Nepeta and Equius had grown up literally right beside each other for years, and were best friends. You were pretty sure that Nepeta had the slightest, tiniest crush on Equius but you never questioned her about it.

Soon after, they invited you to start to hang out with them outside of school - which included all the big group of their friends and you at Gamzee Makara’s house. He was what you like to call an insane juggalo. He was a nice guy, really, and definitely not what you expected. He wears clown makeup for shits and giggles, and to creep people out.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts as you see your mom leaving for work. She waves at you as you walk down the stairs, her hair pinned up elegantly for work, in her suit and high heels. “You look pretty,” she says with a mischievous smile as you meet her up in the kitchen, grabbing your lunch ; your mom packed your lunch for you one the first day only of every single school year. You smile back at her, and nod.

“Wouldn’t be for a certain boy, now, would it?” Cue your whole face going bright red. You gnash your teeth together, refusing to answer the question. You hear her snicker, and sigh. Was it that noticeable? You cursed your animated cheeks, which always seem to know the perfect times to flare red.

“Wanna ride?” she asks, which you agree to. You lock your house door closed, and climb into the front seat, wary of your skirt. You smooth it down underneath you. As she drives you to your destination, you guys chat about everything - your mom making you laugh and forget your worries. She drops you off one block before the school, knowing that you were planning on walking in with you friend. You get out, thank her and sling your backpack over both of your shoulders.

Walking towards your high school, worry stalks you with every step you take. Oh my god, I must look ridiculous, I should’ve wore sweatpants like normal. Karkat is gonna see and he’ll think I’m trying to impress him and then he’ll hate me fore-

You were cut out of your thoughts as you hear a voice shout, “(Y/n)!” You search the grounds of the school, and see all of your friends against the railing on the stairs leading up to the school. Grinning, you can’t help but feel a bit nervous; you hadn’t seen some of them (like Eridan and Vriska) since the end of last school year. You could only imagine what they were going to be like; Eridan and Vriska hated each other, and the first day back was always the worst. They would practically be setting each other up for high blood pressure ; the thought made you smile as you make your way through the crowd. Your hands sweat, and you’re smiling from ear to ear, trying to look convincing.

Kanaya and Rose smiled politely at you, which you returned. You climbed the steps and squeezed into place in the group, people immediately firing questions and greetings at you.

“How was your summer?”

“Oh my god, I love your skirt! Let me guess, Kanaya?” and a look in Kanaya’s direction.

“Hey, uh, (y/n).”

“What’s all up and chill with you, my wicked motherfuckin sis?”

“Goddamnit, not you again.”

“It’s so purrfect! Now we have everyone together!”

“Good morning, lower classmen.”

Your worries, for now, melt away. Everyone was acting as they always have, and you were relieved to see Vriska and Eridan had stopped their arguing for now. Or, at least long enough to say hello. Sollux randomly walks up, greeting you before joining the argument. You facepalmed, and say, “Guess some things never change, right?”

“Sadly fucking not,” comes a reply. Your eyes widen and you whirl around, your heart beating erotically in your chest. Karkat was walking up the stairs, and your eyes meet. (e/c) on dark brown eyes, your whole face floods and you break into a smile watching him.

He was just as devastatingly handsome as always; he wore jeans that suited his lean figure perfectly, and a plain white shirt. His brown hair was as cute as ever, and you could see the usual dark circles around his eyes, which were fucking breathtaking. His lips were pink, and you watch him lick his lips, his tongue dampening them.

Oh my god, if he knew what that fucking did to you -

“What the fuck are you staring at?” came his harsh voice, breaking you out of your thoughts. You jump, your eyes widening and your whole face flooding. You look down for a moment, regaining your posure and forcing yourself to calm down. You tried to hide your blush the best you could - if Karkat knew why you were blushing he would never talk to you again.

There was no way Karkat Vantas could like you.

“No reason,” you grumble, awkwardly crossing your arms and looking up at him. It hurt to look at him sometimes. The fear of him finding out about your crush made you want to throttle him to just get it over with, so that you wouldn’t have to deal with him. It was weird; or maybe you were. Or maybe it was him and you and the whole damned friendship you had.

His piercing gaze searched your eyes, his eyebrows furrowed before he just rolls his eyes and says, “Whatever, fuckass.” That was his line, it seems. And little did he know, that every time he spoke those words you liked him even more.

“So, how was your summer?” you ask, dying to change the subject. You play with the bottom of your skirt, which just barely reaches your mid-thighs. It’s probably the number reason why you want to kill Kanaya right now - the skirt felt shorter than it was. Mid-thigh was an appropriate length, but with Karkat’s eyes you felt as if it was much shorter. His eyes watched the movement for a second. A flash passes through his eyes and he looks up at you as if just realizing you were there.

“What the fuck did you think I did?” he snaps. “You saw me two days ago, dumbass.”

You swallow, and let out a laugh. You run a hand through your hair, saying, “Oh, yeah, that’s right.”

By now Karkat is standing right in front of you. If you reached forward you would be touching him. The thought sends a whole wave of nerves over you as they usually do, and you blush. Trying to force it down, you look up at him through your eyelashes and he looks down at you. His eyes hold the same irritation they always do. You swallow and look back down; angry, always so fucking furious.

“Anyways,” he scoffs. “Your first class is with Mr. Anderson, right? You said that when we swapped schedules days ago.”

“Yeah,” you say. “It is.” You were strangely quiet today. All you could think was, Seven-hundred-thirtieth day, seven-hundred-thirtieth day, and your heart was hammering in your chest and you prayed to god he didn’t notice.

“Mine, too,” he said roughly. He opened his mouth to say something, when you heard someone else.

“Hey, Karkles,” giggles an all too familiar voice. They stretch out the hey, and a hand lands on Karkat’s arm. Blue painted fingernail talons.

Terezi Pyrope was her name, and you think she’s a hell-sent demon. She led Karkat on, knowing he had a huge crush on her. They went out for a month, and back then you had thought it was the worst month in the history of knowing Karkat. All he had talked about was Terezi, and he was lovesick at the very mention of something that reminded him of her.

She wore a casual, yet very short turquoise dress, and black sandals. You felt very plain next to her all the sudden, and you internally winced when she got closer to Karkat, hanging on to his arm like some slut. You thought she was, after what she’d done. Not only had she led him on, but then she went out with someone else in your group of friends - Dave Strider. They would take every chance they had to practically do each other without taking off clothes at school. She leans against Karkat, her head on his shoulder and gives you a lip-gloss smile.

“Well, hey there (y/n),” Terezi says cheerfully. “I barely noticed you.” You saw her blue eyes flash behind her sunglasses. Though having very bad eyesight Terezi seemed to know the perfect places to look. It was creepy - or, at least you thought it was. Not to mention her perfect sense of smell which she used every chance she had to make someone uncomfortable. She wore contacts after finally healing from having scratches across her eyes due to a driving accident that left her without a parent. Now she lived with her sister Latula, who used to go to your very high school before graduating from college and getting a job at the perfect moment. You felt pity for Terezi, but that didn’t change how you had always felt about her.

“Hi, Terezi,” you say weakly, before clearing your throat and deciding to straighten up. “How was your summer?” You had only seen Terezi once over the summer, and that was at a pool party at Feferi’s house.

“Great, just amazing,” she purrs. “I spent my summer in California, and oh my god, you would not believe the fine pieces of guys they have over there.” She reached up and poked Karkat’s cheek, saying, “What about you, Karkles? You’re awful quiet right now. How was your summer?”

“Fine,” he says flatly, no emotion in his tone. “Now will you please fucking get off of me?”

She just cackles her usual loud laugh, but releases him and takes your arm instead. “I see you haven’t changed much,” and she flicks her tongue against her teeth, and grins at you cheekily. “I guess some things never change.” You had a feeling she was talking about something different, and immediately panic-fueled fire raced through your veins. There was no way she could know, was there? She couldn’t know that you liked Karkat! Oh no, please no, no -

“Anyways,” she says, popping a bubble you hadn’t noticed she’d been chewing. The blue bubblegum rolled between her tongue and teeth, smacking and making loud noises. “I should be going.” She steps away and takes holds on to Karkat, and says, “It was so nice to see you Karkat,” grabbing his cheek and pinching it, then patting it.

She turns back to you and you saw her smile drop, dissolving into a wicked smirk, and she grabs your cheek in the same manner, leaning forward and whispering, “Watch what you do. No matter what he’s mine,” before saying loudly, “It was so nice to see you, girl! We gotta hang out sometime soon!” She grins like the Cheshire Cat and waves to both of you before disappearing in the crowd of people walking up to the school.

Once she’s gone Karkat rolls his eyes. “She’s insane,” he grumbles. He looks at you. “We should probably get to this fucking class.” He goes off on a rant as you both walk up the stairs to the school as the bell rings. He’s talking about how much he “fucking hates coming to this place.” You just laugh and return your own opinion as usual, laughing when he goes off on another rage-induced rant. You can’t help but fall in love with him even more, and you giggle when he shoves you.

When you reach the top step, you can’t help but look back. Your eyes fall on the exact spot you spotted the boy on your first day of freshman year. The boy now walks next to you, and your heart swells as you think about how beautiful he is. His dark-ringed eyes peer at you as you stop momentarily, and he urges you to speed up. You look into those eyes; the eyes that captured you from the very first day.

So you just smile and follow the beautiful, angry-hearted boy into school, into the hallways as the doors lock behind you and the final bell rings.


--

It was finally lunch, and you felt immediately relieved of some stress. Having just finished Physics, you were tired due to how boring the damned class. You walk out and head to your locker to place back your binder back into your locker, dialing the number. Just as you finished putting your stuff in your locker, you’re almost slammed to the ground.

You yelp, grabbing onto your open locker door to steady yourself. Looking up, it was a rather good-looking boy. You didn’t know him, but he looked around your age. Was he new?

“Oh God,” he laughs. His voice is deep and his laugh is seductive. He looks at you, and smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Gee, I’m sorry, ma’am.” You noticed he had an accent. You die a little on the inside due to how delicious this boy.

As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you think about Karkat. You knew that no one would compare to Karkat, sadly. You let out an irritated sigh, knowing that you’d never fucking get over Karkat, or find someone who would please you as much as the thought of Karkat did. God damn him, and you hated him a bit for it - because you loved that boy and you would never stop. There was nothing you’d be able to do to stop it.

“Yeah, well,” you say, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Watch out next time.” Then you let out an uneasy giggle. The thought crosses your mind that you’d probably never see this boy again, seeing he wasn’t in any of your classes. Screw it, and screw Karkat, you think, a smirk crossing your lips. Shutting your locker and noticing the boy still staring at you, you decide to have some fun and flirt. Maybe if you get interested in the boy after talking to him, you’d stop having such feelings for Karkat.

You knew it wouldn’t happen, but you figured to hell with it; you always were thinking of Karkat, so why not do something you haven’t done once in the past year? You had wasted your life over having feelings with Karkat. Sure, you’d have boyfriends but none of them lasted long because they always felt like “you weren’t into the relationship.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy apologizes again. He has baby blue eyes - so different from Karkat’s dark brown. His hair was blonde and he didn’t have a freckle, he was at least six feet tall, and he was wearing khakis and a button up blue shirt. You bite your bottom lip and sway from one foot to the other, and just smile.

Looking up at him through your eyelashes, you giggle, and shoved him lightly. “It’s no big deal,” you say. He looks down at you, smiling. His blue eyes were lined by black eyelashes. His cheekbones were prominent and you find yourself blushing.

“Well I’m still deeply sorry, ma’am,” he says, doing a dorky bow. “My name is Zac.” He grins wolfishly at you. “And perhaps I could make up my idiocy somehow?”

You start laughing. “Maybe,” you answer, biting your lip and looking down at the ground. “My name is (y/n).” You can’t help but think about how embarrassing is was to blush at everything - and you couldn’t help but notice how it lacked fireworks, unlike Karkat. Karkat sent off bursts of fire through your body. This sent chills instead - and you couldn’t tell if they were the lighthearted, goofy kind you get from the rain you love so much, or the jarring kind that make you want to back away. Though handsome, he seems a bit overkill for you - which is why you wanted the boy by the name of Karkat.

“How about a date?” he asks, and you look up, your eyes widening. Was a boy actually asking you out? Though you never talked about it, you were insecure. You could feel it in your very bones at this moment, sending shivers through your body. You’re almost gaping, but you stop yourself in order to actually look sane. You notice him looking at your body and a fire courses through your veins. This boy was scrumptious, this boy would -

“How about a fuckin no?” came a new voice.

Karkat.

Your eyes widen, and you see Karkat walking towards the two of you. Your squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, turning away and back to Zac. Your heart is pounding in your chest, and you’re almost sure that if it was pumping any faster, it would beat right out of your chest. You also felt your very soul being ripped out and fed to the crows by that one look in his eyes. He looked mad - and that was the understatement of the century. You can hear his loud footsteps coming closer, and you could practically imagine the steam coming out of his ears.

Why was he mad? is all you can think. Why is he always so pissed off? What the fuck did I do wrong this time? Karkat, though you best friend, seems to take a lot of his anger out on you. You never understood wrong. You just always allowed yourself to be verbally beaten up in hopes he would recognize that you were always there. That you were always next to him and always would be, and maybe one day fall in love with you. Such a stupid thought. You were such a stupid girl.

“I’m sorry,” came Zac’s voice. “I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend...”

Karkat was now standing right behind you. “(Y/n),” he barked. “Let’s go.” He was practically shooting holes through the poor boy in front of you. You couldn’t help but feel a deep hatred for your feelings for Karkat right then; you knew you would follow him. You knew you would always come crawling back to Karkat, even if something had happened between Zac and you.

“I don’t,” you tell him, softly, looking at the ground, picking up your lunch from the ground, where it had fallen from the locker. Your eyes are downcast, fixated on your trembling hands that held your lunch between your fingertips.

Karkat all but grabbed your arm and pulled you away. Looking back once bitterly, you see that Zac had left as soon as you had. It was silent as Karkat led you away, and he didn’t loosen his grip. You felt as though there would be bruises there tomorrow in the shape of Karkat’s fingers, but you simply did not care because you were in love with the fierce boy.

You were no idiot. You knew that Karkat was furious, but you did not know why the broken boy was always raging so. All you knew was the fire inside his eyes was nothing like you had ever seen before, and you craved to see it again because he lit up like a firework when he was talking. It was beautiful.

He didn’t say anything on the matter, and neither did you. You stayed completely silent, and he released your arm as you emerged outside, leading you to the picnic tables on campus that your friends ate at. His hands were clenched by his sides, and as you walk out into the light you watch as Karkat’s hair catches a light spark from the sun, peaking of read tinting out in his hair. You’re breathing in and thinking of how beautiful and how unfair he was at once, and the trembling in your hands stops as you heart swells.

You know he will stay mad at you - Karkat never bothered to fully forgive people. He held onto grudges like no one else could, and you knew that one day it would bite you in the ass. His tattered black vans move through the grass, and his red zip up hoodie hangs around his body as he walks towards your friends. Against the green grass, you see him look back at you, his dark eyes peering at you. A sneer seemingly spreads across his lips and he turns around and walks faster, as though you had a disease and he needed to get away from you.

It was then that you decided you loved him most. When he was your angry, unfair Karkat who was exactly like a bomb waiting to be set off. But it’s okay, you think to yourself as you see Nepeta wave wildly at you, signaling you to were they were sitting. Because he is lovely.

It was sickening, falling into love with Karkat. Your throat was clogged up and you couldn’t breathe breathe breathe and dear God, would the hollowness in your heart ever go away? You knew better than to believe it would fully ever go away - it was there since before you had even met Karkat. It was a pit filled with hatred, and the friends you made fill the hole slowly but surely. Karkat even helped - but a huge part still remained, one only he could fill.

But you knew better than to wish such things.

--

It was your last period of the day, your sixth period. It was English Honors - and while you excelled at English, you didn’t want to step foot into the class. Karkat would be there, you were sure. You had not talked ever since he had snapped at Zac, whom you didn’t see again. You swallow and step into the class, finding your assigned seat which just so happened to be next to Karkat. You internally scream, wanting to punch him in the face as you sit down as quietly as possible. You hope to sneak by undetected, but he looks at you with such hatred you wanted to burst down right there because what did you do that was so horrible that you deserved that look from the one you loved?

It’s a quiet class, as the teacher sets up the board and introduces herself. You take notes on some of the things she is saying, like the format she expects you to use. You figured if you wrote it down now you wouldn’t regret it later, on the night of writing said essays or reports. You hear Karkat sigh, irritated. You felt a burning gaze on you but you force yourself not to look because fuck him. You were so fucking done and wanted to apologize at the same time.

The day ends and the final bell rings, and Karkat is the first one up, slipping out the door on the moment’s notice. You close your eyes and breath in, before trying to stop the shaking. You were so furious and on the verge of bursting out in hideous sobs. There was no way you could do that here. You would not allow anyone to see you as you cry; you refused. Not in the place you had met the boy with a heart full of hate, not in the place where you met the boy with fiery eyes...

So you walk to your locker and get your backpack, not saying goodbye to any of your friends that you saw flickers of in the hallways. As you walk towards the exit, you swore you heard Nepeta call out your name but you didn’t look back.

--

It was 6:00 o’clock on the worst day of your life, and you find yourself walking towards the park in your neighborhood. You’re quiet as you walk, the sound of the breeze passing through the leafs the only sound as you walk along. Your sandals scuttle along the ground, and you emerge into the park. You look around you, and let out a big sigh you hadn’t relieved you’d been holding in. You plop down on the park bench behind you ungracefully, and cover your face with your hands.

Knowing this was your private sanctuary, you decide to let it out. You start shaking you’re crying so hard, everything blurred and clouded, tears pouring through your eyes. You think back to everything he’s ever said against you. It hurts, oh god it hurts, it hurts it hurts if fucking hurts -

What hurt even more was when the reasons you loved him crossed your mind, bringing on even more violent tears. You don’t even try to stop it, your hands dropping. You’re blubbing and incoherent, and you want to scream but your throat is froze. All you can think about is how much of a fuck up you are, for falling in love with the boy who didn’t give a shit. You open your eyes, and looking up at the sky, you ask anything, anyone, “Why does he hate me?”

A whole new round began, and you’re sure you’ve been balling straight like so for at least ten minutes, and probably look so insane and sad at the same time. “What did I do to make him hate me?” you cough out, wiping at your eyes wildly to stop the crying which you feel will never stop. You heart is lead as you say, “What’s wrong with me?” and the hole of darkness and loneliness and emptiness gets even deeper as you utter, “Why can’t he love me?”

You repeat these questions to yourself until you’re just shaking, not crying, your head bent over as you force your legs apart, trying to take deep breaths because you can’t fucking breath. You’re trembling and it isn’t helping so you lift your head, rubbing off all the makeup with the back of your hand. You know your mascara is smeared and your eyeliner is smudged, your hair is probably wild, and you look like you’ve homeless.

“Fuck you,” came a new voice. Your head snaps and your eyes widen and dear God please don’t let it be him, please don’t, Jesus, and there he is. He’s standing in the middle of the sidewalk, his eyes flashing out from underneath the hood of his jacket. You were such an idiot. Karkat and you came to this park all the time, why did you choose to come here?

You want to scream at him, to accuse him of so many things, but you can’t. Your throat is closed in and it feels like one of those dreams where everything is black and you just can’t breathe breathe breathe -

“I can’t fucking stand you, do you know that?” His voice is so condescending, so cold. You’re sure by now you want to die. “You’re so fucking weak and useless.”

“Fuck you!” came the words. They weren’t what either of you expected. You’re so surprised with yourself you fall off of the bench, before standing back up. You’re trembling so bad you can barely stand up, and you lean forward, grabbing the back of the park bench to steady yourself. You’re panting, and the tears prick in the back of your eyes. You blink them back, and you feel the emptiness and loneliness slowly turning into something else - hatred and cruelty. You want to punch him in the throat, you want to see him on his knees because he is the worst scum in the universe, you swear to God.

“I am sick and tired of you, Karkat!” You are screaming again and you see his eyes flash with several emotions. Anger. Always so much damned anger. Once beautiful and lovely, but now you feel as if you are staring at the devil. You’re sick of feeling angry and being around the boy who is anger. You practically fed off of his fucking emotions all along; if he was sad then you were sad. If he was furious, the irritation would rub off on you.  You were sick of feeling like this for no reason. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

His eyes are widen, but they’re filled with this blank look that’s so much worse than rage. The sky around us rumbles, and I smell the faintness of a summer storm waiting to happen. You’ve been crying again, and you feel the wetness on your cheeks. You wipe them, letting out a small cry and cough. You sniffle and glare at Karkat. You hated him, dear God you hated him -

And what hurt the most was that you didn’t hate him. You thought he was beautiful, and broken, and so imperfectly perfect that you wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time, whispering your “sorry’s,” in his ear. You didn’t allow yourself to get closer to him, knowing that if you voluntarily stepped forward you’d break down again from the start. You just stand there, looking at him and crying.

“Who do I think I am?” Karkat repeated. His voice was quiet. He wasn’t yelling or shouting, and that was when he scared you the most. His eyes were still blanked, and that was when he scared you the most. You still had feelings for him, and this was when he scared you the most.
“Who the fuck do you think you are to ask me that question? You always do this. You’re so fucking selfish, you only thought about yourself. Why don’t you go fucking talk to Zac?”

“What the hell did I do to you?” you shriek at him. He was walking towards you, and you wanted to scream at the world. You wanted to not exist, to disappear off the face of this earth. “Why am I so horrible that you can’t fucking take one minute of your goddamned life and admit you were wrong? Do you even know what the big picture we’re fighting over is?”

“Enlighten me.” He was cold still. Not your Karkat. Not the Karkat you loved. And it hurt it hurt it hurt so much.

“That you,” you shriek, pointing a shaking finger at him. “Have fucking issues.” You cough violently as a sprinkle of rain began. “That you are absolutely, utterly insane. All you do is snap at the people you’re supposed to fucking give a shit about, and then blame it on them! Take some ownership for once in your life. Not everyone is against you, Karkat! Not everyone hates you as much as you hate them. So don’t try to act innocent, like you don’t know what’s going on because you fucking do!”

Your voice is shrill. His eyes are heating up and you thank God for it. You knew you were in for a world of hurt, but Karkat needed to fucking fight back. It was getting on your nerves that the boy who had no problem with ripping your heart out was acting so cold. He was a deceiving asshole, and you couldn’t stand him when he was in that mode.

“And what about you?” he all but roars back at you. “Who do you think you are? You never choose what you want. I can never tell if you’re going to be pissed off, or fucking acting like everything is perfect. You have no right to tell me who to be, no right to scream your bullshit at me. I don’t give a fuck about you.”

It got very silent. You start laughing. Maybe he was insane, or maybe you were. You couldn’t tell. They say the definition of insanity was doing something over and over and expecting to get different results. Yes, you were insane and heartbroken.

“I’m so fucking done,” are the only words that come out of your mouth. It’s still quiet and you can hear the hissing of the rain. It was nice, cold against your flustered skin from yelling so much. You didn’t shiver, you welcomed the chill - it was fitting.

You turn around, and start to make your way home. You wanted to be anywhere, anywhere in the world that didn’t make you think of the boy with dark circles around his fiery eyes and the perfect amount of freckles across his pale skin. You didn’t want to think about the boy with such rage in his thoughts and such hatred in his heart.

But as you walk away you can’t help but think about the freckles that cross his back, and the look in his eyes when he lets out a rare laugh. Your heart burns and you can’t help but think about how his words just might be the truest thing you’ve ever heard, that you are a fuck up. But as you walk away, you feel as though your heart is back there in the park.

You feel something grab your hand and you freeze. The rain was coming down hard now, and your hair was sticking to your face in a very unattractive way. You didn’t care. If he broke your heart why should you care?

“Wait,” came a voice. It was Karkat. His voice was low and broken. Was it possible he felt remorse? Was it possible that he -

You turn back to him, staring up at him. Even if he was short for a boy in high school he was still taller than you. You swallow, and he’s peering down at you from under his hood, his eyes lined by eyelashes as black as ink. They’re longer than yours with the mascara and you can’t help but think that he is so beautiful it was unfair.

“God damn it,” he hisses, pulling back his hood and his jaw ticks. He clenches his fingers through his hair, looking up in the sky. He look down at you and he looks like a little kid suddenly. His eyes are vulnerable, and a puppy-like factor about them. He takes your hand in his, holding on to it desperately, his slender fingers weaving with yours as he says, “Fuck, please, please don’t leave me.”

Your heart is caught in your throat and you can’t make any noise. You stare into his eyes, and it’s silent, no words. You find yourself nodding, and a small part of you is urging yourself to scream at him still. To make him pay for all he has put you through. But you don’t, you are silent.

“I won’t ever leave,” you choke out finally, squeezing your eyes shut and turning your head to the ground. You can’t leave him, why can’t you leave him, fuck -

“Look at me,” he says, and you don’t. You shake your head and you stay as you are, eyes shut and desperately forcing yourself to fight back. “(Y/n), look at me, please,” his voice is raspy and you just can’t look. Why can’t I look?

He unweaves his fingers and hinges them around your jaw, forcing you to look up. The rest of his fingers are brushing against your face, tracing lines. He brushes the pads of his calloused thumbs over your eyelashes, and whispers for you to open up. This time you do, and the look in his eyes are so soft that you might die of hyperventilation before anything else.

“Shh,” he says, smoothing his fingers across your slightly opened lips, before trailing up to your cheekbones and dancing along the skin there. “Stop crying.” You hadn’t realized you had started crying; it probably was mixed in with the rain by now. You take a shaky breath and force yourself to calm down, breathing out and looking back up at Karkat.

“Karkat,” you whisper. “Karkat.”

He looks at you, shuffling closer. His eyes are sad and you love him so much that it hurt. You wanted to tell him, but what if it started something new?

“(Y/n),” he says in a tone just as quiet, and it’s like a lullaby to your ears. Your eyelids flutter as rain gets into your eyes, which he has a small smile at. Your breathing catches in your throat and he looks so youthful and kind that it is shocking. The lines around the edges of his forehead smooth out, and he actually looks relaxed. His face is looming right in front of you, and your heart is thump thump thumping so hard that it might explode. His eyes flutter closed and so do yours, and before you can even register what is happening his lips crash down on yours. It’s angry at first, and passionate - something you had always expected.

It was as if he wanted to consume you whole, to swallow your heart and more. His lips mash against yours in the most beautiful way you had ever had the experience of having. It was so lovely and his lips were so soft for a boy’s. And then before you know what he is doing, he’s sucking on your lower lip, taking it between his own lips and teeth, lightly grazing it. You feel as if you’re going to pass out, and right when you’re about to let out an embarrassing moan he stops you by letting go of your bottom lip, both of you panting before he gives you a peck and takes your upper lip in the same manner.

Your stomach was churning in the best way it ever has before and dear God where did he learn to kiss like that - you’re breathing hard, and then you feel the tip of his tongue touch the center of your upper lip. You let out a groan, and don’t even think about how embarrassing the noise was at the time. He pries open your lips and puts his tongue inside your mouth, claiming it as his own. He tastes like the cherries he likes, and you hope you don’t taste terrible. Both of your tongues dance around each other, and you feel as though you see stars from how happy you are. Your fingers dance up his shoulders and into his messy hair, pulling him close to you. Your fingers are tracing through his scalp,tugging lightly. You hear him purr in happiness and nuzzles against your hand, which you smile about. You both pull back, a thin line of spit between the both of you.

Both of you take a minute to catch your breath, and you remove your hands from his hair, pulling them back to your side. You see a flash of disappointment in his eyes which quickly changes to some unreadable emotion.

“Fuck,” he says out loud. “Holy shit.” He looks at you, groaning and looking at your lips again. You notice the slightest tint of red on his pale cheeks and feel a bit smug about it. Even if the kiss not ended up meaning something to him, you can always remember it, right? You swallow and look down nervously, waiting for him to speak. You know you’re blushing like an idiot.

He takes your head in your hand, cupping your face. His eyes are fiery and a flash of fear dances through them. Why was he nervous? Did he think that you didn’t enjoy the kiss, or was it something else?

“(Y/n), look,” he breathes, sighing. “I know I’m the biggest fucker in the world, but I guess I should tell you. I’m not good at these kinds of things; you were right, I do act angry all the time. I just get so frustrated and I just don’t want to feel anything other, because it fucking scares me. But I want to tell you that,” he pauses, looking down, before back up into your eyes. “I love you.”

Your eyes widen and he swears, his hands falling to his side and his face lighting up with embarrassment. “God damn it, I knew you wouldn’t feel the same fucking way!” he shouts. His eyes are flashing with anger and he glares at you as you continue to stare, shell-shocked.

He runs a hand through his hair, huffing, before looking back at you. His jaw was clenched and you released what the emotion was in his eyes before. It was anxiety, you could tell now. You saw his fingers tremble and you remember that even on the night Terezi broke it off with him he didn’t act this bad. Did he really love you that much?

Then he’s walking away, and your heart is filling up, the emptiness finally gone, once and for all. Your heart was full, with love for once; and there was no way you would let him slip away through your fingers. You scream, “Karkat,” and run after him, all but crashing into him. His eyes are downcast and you giggle in delight, and he looks up, anger in his eyes.

“Look, if you fucking came here to laugh at me, then fuck off,” and he shoves past you and continues on. You roll your eyes at this, before calling out after him.

“I love you, too, you know,” and suddenly he stopped walking, turning around. He was right there in front of you before you could even think about opening your mouth to continue. It was so sudden and fast, and his face is excited.

“You do?” he asks, holding your face yet again in his hands, searching your eyes for the honest truth.

“Yes,” you laugh, nodding your head and smiling up at him. “I love you so much it hurts, Karkat, it hurts.” And he’s kissing you again, treating you as if you were made of glass. His fingers are sudden and faint, tracing circles on the sides of your jaw as he kisses you.

He pulls back, and his excitement is evident in his eyes. Your heart swells at the sight, because dear God if Karkat was not the most precious thing you’ve ever seen in your life, you didn’t know what was.

“Be mine, already, fuckass,” he rumbles to you, giving you the lightest of pecks on the forehead. “I’m so damned tired of just being friends.”

“Gladly,” you giggle. “You’ve kept me waiting since freshmen year.” His eyes widen.

“You’ve liked me since freshmen year?” he asks, surprise in his tone.

“Yes,” you tell him honestly. “It was love at first sight, like in those romcoms you watch.” You poke his stomach, laughing.

“You watch them too,” he grumbles.

You roll your eyes playfully. “Okay.”

His eyes are filled with guilt suddenly, and he’s apologizing as you two walk towards your home. You smile and forgive him for the all the reasons he says he’s sorry for, telling him that it was okay. As you place your hand in his, intertwining your fingers, he knows that he is truly forgiven.

Because you had gotten what you wanted all along; the boy with the fire in his heart and the angry eyes, the boy who had your heart between his own fingers. And you smiled, because you were finally whole.