Happier - Eridan x Reader

{quick kid quick so harsh and cynical
touches stricken, cold and clinical}

Not many people knew about the kind side of Eridan Ampora. However, you were one to witness them.

It had been two years since he asked you to be his “moirail,” which was really the troll version of “best friends for life.” You were a human, and one of Jade Harley’s friends; when the troll race found a way to get to Earth, you were met by a large group of gray-skinned, candy-corn horned species.

You laugh at the memory of your first meeting of the visiting trolls; it was when you had first met Eridan Ampora. You had been told by Karkat Vantas, whom you thought needed anger management classes that he was, “a hipster-ass wannabe tool.” You had laughed, until you noticed that the striped boy had heard.

After apologizing and going into a conversation with the royal-blooded troll, you found out that you didn’t mind him, even if he did fit Karkat’s description in some ways.

Two years later and here you were, walking to Eridan Ampora’s “hivve,” as he called it; the troll version of a house you found out on your first visit with Rose Lalonde to visit Kanaya Maryam. It was different from human houses, for sure, but adorable all the less. Eridan lived in a broken down ship on an island in the middle of the sea.

Sure, you had to travel to get there, but you didn’t mind; in your opinion, Eridan was worth the travel. You two talked nonstop via Pesterchum even if you couldn’t see each other every day. His house gets closer, first a speck in the ocean but as it gets closer, you are once again struck by how big it was. The broken ship itself seemed mysterious, and looked like it could be filled with wealth. Which it was, due to the high status on the Hemospectrum that the Ampora had.

Sometimes, even after two years of being moirails he would mention your blood caste, like he did last night over Pesterchum while inviting you over. You frown, rubbing your arm up and down. No matter how much you loved Eridan (in the friendly way, of course) he always was a douche. You supposed that was part of the reason that you liked him, though; he voiced his opinion, no matter how stupid or rude. You usually kept mean comments to your own thoughts, never speaking out. Eridan had helped you get much better about showing emotions, even if sometimes it caused exasperation.

You knock on the door to his hive, finally arriving at the front. You wait, tugging at your own striped scarf. It was red, opposite yet matching to Eridan’s own blue scarf. He had gotten it for you as your “one-sweep moirallegiance,” anniversary. You snort and as Eridan opens the door just in time, he rolls his eyes at you.

“Snortin?” he crows. “Really, (f/n)? I know you’re a human and a lowblood an’ all, but calm down.” He scoffs. “This is why seadwwellers actually have class...”

You roll your own eyes at this. “Sorry, Eri,” you say, using his nickname as a light jab that you hope he doesn’t notice.

Oblivious, Eridan looks around and grabs your arm harshly, sneering, “Well, why the hell are you still out in the cold? Get in here.” He leads you inside his house and slams the door shut behind the two of you, walking away dramatically.

Sighing, you follow him deeper into his hive, ending up in the living room. He plops down on the couch, waving impatiently to the spot next to him. “I thought you were faster than this, (f/n),” he huffs. You sit down next to him, trying to wave off the comment.

He didn’t know that they really got to you.

{what a transformation to behold
but i dont like this new i want the old}

You remember at the beginning of your moirallegiance, when Eridan had first said something unforgivable - though he had only been joking -  about your blood and species status, and you had avoided talking to him for a whole week. Apparently he had been “a glubbing mess,” according to Feferi who was confronted by Eridan who had been in tears at the time. After that, he had stopped talking about blood color, instead bugging you about other things. He hadn’t spoken about your blood in a while, until last month he started acting out again for some reason.

You were surprised, to say at the least, that Eridan was making fun or poking at your insecurity that you had when around trolls. They were all so rare and beautiful, and when you were around it was awkward for you. You didn’t have their high status, nor their seemingly flawless gray skin. You didn’t have their interesting colored eyes, and you surely weren’t as gorgeous as them. You never understood why Eridan chose you as a moirail; you were plain even for a human. In your opinion you were boring - having flat (e/c) orbs and (h/c) locks.

He made comments about it slyly, now. “Cod, (f/n),” he would say when you were pulling back your hair and he watched you. “Have anything interesting?” It was either that or sexist comments that made you want to slap the shit out of him.

As Eridan sets up the movie, you pull your legs to your chest, sitting on the couch in a perch-like position, uncomfortable at Eridan’s words earlier. Had you done something? You had been on time...

“Get your feet off the couch!” Eridan’s voice shrieks, pulling you out of your thoughts. Your eyes widen and were the size of saucers as you set your feet back on the ground, sitting in a plank-straight back position as he rants at you.

“Cod, (f/n),” he cries. “Can’t you do anyfin right?”

You feel tears prick at the back of your eyes, and you are thankful for the light so he doesn’t notice. You blink them back as quickly as they had come; you didn’t want to be seen as weak in front of the Ampora. “I’m sorry,” you say softly, swallowing. “I wasn’t thinking. I won’t do it again, I promise. It was my fault.”

Eridan growls, “Well don’t glubbin allow it to happen again,” and sits down next to you as the movie starts.

You really didn’t like the way he was talking to you. It made bile rise in the back of your throat, your fingers curl into fists at your side, anger and sadness flash your veins. If you knew one thing, it was that best friends did not act like this towards to each other. You had never once said something so hard to this royal-blood - you were too soft, you were told, but that didn’t matter to you. Maybe you were gentle, but Eridan was too harsh. He was supposed to love you, wasn’t he, as your friend? He was supposed to actually care about you, because real people do not act like this towards people they are supposed to give a shit about.

{its not the words that make it final
youve said such things before to rival them
but its how you say em now thats changed}

Before, his comments were teasing - you could see it in the way his eyes had a teasing light in them. He usually laughed after he said them before as you would blush thoroughly, and would apologize after he was done laughing with a gentle tug at your hair. Before, he was so sweet to you; before, he really did care, not a doubt about it crashed through your mind.

But now, as you watch his face in through translucent lighting, you notice his jaw is locked. His jaw only locks when he was upset or angry, and he would usually mutter foul things. He wasn’t muttering at the moment - but his violent irises which were barely visible from your position seemed cold. Colder than usual, at least - and you wonder what you did that was so wrong to deserve this indirect expression.

A lump is in your throat - maybe you were being a bit too emotional, sure, but it wasn’t your fault completely. With what was going on in your relationship with Eridan, and the fact that it was a special week for you (if you catch the drift) then you had a right to be hurt. It wasn’t like you did such nasty things to him.

And suddenly everything is too much to you - the sounds of the television that you were supposed to be engrossed in, the facial quality of Eridan’s expressive feelings, the words that echo through your mind. So before you know what you’re doing, you stand up, turn on the main light in the living room, grab the remote next to Eridan and pause the movie.

Standing in front of him, you look down at him, swallowing. You tilt your head to the side, and the only thought in your mind is, 'You’re so stupid, (f/n), you don’t even know what you’re going to say now. '

Eridan was staring at you, and when you reluctantly meet his gaze, his eyes turn cold. Narrowing them at you, he hisses out, “What the actual fuck are you thinkin, (f/n)? Are you glubbin stupid? What is this?” Swallowing, you remain looking into his eyes, your heart sinking to your feet.

It was true, you could tell just by his expression. He didn’t want to be moirails anymore; that’s why he was doing it the “easy,” way, first hinting that he didn’t want to be friends by showing he didn’t like it. You knew all the signs, it had happened with the last group of friends you had before meeting Jade Harley. They had started being rude, making fun of what you wore and disapproving of everything, calling you names, speaking behind your back.

'Why is this happening again?' is your only thought. 'What did I do this time?' Furious with yourself and Eridan, you finally say, “I’m thinking that you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

He meets your gaze and you can see the truth in his eyes and it hurt hurt hurts so much because it’s exactly like what happened with the other girls. You braced yourself for the taunting laughter that was sure to come, as they tell you that they hate you, as they kick you down with their words because you’re boring boring boring -

“I don’t know what you’re talkin about,” Eridan finally says. His voice is free of any emotion, and you see him grit his teeth just the slightest. He always does that when he lies. He grits his teeth like it’s hard to hold the truth back, and you can’t help but think it’s so cruel of him to withhold it. You would rather him give it to you flat out than not admit it.

“Eridan,” your voice is trembling and the tears are back, you feel them pooling over your eyes, making them glassy. “You know what I’m talking about. Why are you being so mean?” And it sounds to childish and whiney to your own ears, ‘Why are you being so mean?’ You know you’re in for a world of verbal hurt and it scars you even farther that he won’t come out and say he hates your guts as of recently. That he won’t come on and say, “You’re so fuckin borin and a waste of my time. I don’t want to be in a moirallegiance with you anymore.”

“Mean?” he scoffs. You knew it, you knew it knew it knew it and you know that this was when he was going to say what you were waiting for all along. “You’re so fuckin’ childish (f/n). ‘Why are you being so mean?’ Seriously, you should listen to yourself sometime; like any lowblood you’re stupid.”

It hits you like bricks and you think, 'Why can’t it get easier every time people don’t want to be my friend? Why does it hurt even more every time someone admits they hate me, hurts more than the last, or the one before that?'

“I’m sorry,” are your only words as your stand there, trembling and raise a hand to your face. The tears are spilling over and you hate yourself even farther for crying in front of him. He would only make fun of your further. You done so well in the past for not crying in front of the people who confess their dislike; you couldn’t remember a time when you had cried in front of them. Maybe it was because it was Eridan and the fact that you’re going to have to give up all the rest of your friends because of him.

You knew by now that the group of friends, humans and trolls, was very tight. Even though most of them didn’t like Eridan, you knew that they would trust him from knowing him even farther. You knew that he would gossip about you, no doubt, seeing that he did that with you about others he didn’t like - or, at least he used to gossip with you. You had never been a fan of talking about other people, but had dealt with it because you loved Eridan.

You didn’t love Eridan in a past “best friends,” way. You had discovered that when you first became friends; not that there was anything wrong with someone having a crush on him, but you could never imagine yourself in a crush relationship with him.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat.

{cold but sympathetic all the same}

Eridan’s eyes are sudden less cold for a moment, even sad and filled with longing as he looks at you for a second, but when you look into his eyes, crying even farther. You didn’t notice him swallow and force himself to become cold again.

“You should be sorry,” he sneers. “To think I even let our friendship even get this far...”

And suddenly you can’t breathe. Those words are the worst words you had ever in your life. You knew that they would come one day, but you didn’t expect it to hurt even more than usual.

“Why would you do this to me?” it comes out as a whisper but you know he can hear it by the way he watches you. Rage fills your mind, along with the hints of the deep depression calling you back in. Your sight is blurry, and it seems like all you can see it Eridan. “Why would you do this to us? What happened?”

“As if you can’t find out on your own,” his voice is harsh. “I know you knew that one day this would happen. You don’t mean anything to me, (f/n).” His voice shakes with emotion; you wonder how long he’s felt like this. He had probably been dying to say this to you since you first entered the relationship. “You don’t mean anything to me.”

And here you are sobbing, and you keep saying, “Stupid girl, stupid girl, stupid girl,” to yourself, and you lunge for your bag that you brought with you, rip it open and throw Eridan’s two-sweep moirallegiance present at him. Inside was a picture of you two, not that he would care. You had written him a card also, thanking him for things that he didn’t know - like how he helped you out of your depression when you’ve never even told him that you were clinically diagnosed with it two years ago.

“Take it,” you cry out, your backpack jostling as you put it on. You’re sure you look disgusting; snot running down from your nose, tears seemingly going on for forever, and you wipe your eyes. “Thank you, Eridan,” you sob. You hate him so much, yet here you are, thanking him for his time. “Thank you for pretending.”

You dash out of his hive with one last look of hatred on his part. You promised to never go back, to never talk to him, or about him. Your heart was broken, your legs shaking, and a vow to never trust anyone again.

What was the point in trusting people if they end up hating you in the end? 'Who needs enemies when you have friends like these?'

--

When you arrived home, you’re alone. Your mom was probably still in her office, working her fingers to the bone just to be able to provide for the family. The thoughts of Eridan’s words, that you were low and a mere human pass through your mind. Another surge of hatred towards everything flushes through you - and for a second, you’re tempted to talk to someone to sort things out - before realizing that you have no friends.

Locking the door to your room, you walk robotically to your bed, sitting down and snuffling, wrapping yourself into a ball and staring at the wall that your bed was next to. The regular lights to your room were shut off, but the Christmas-like white lights that were along the top of the of your four-walled room that was wrapped around the ceiling greet your sight. The glow-up stars that stick to the ceiling of your room glow in the middle of the Christmas lights along the perimeter. They were glow in the dark stars, and you’ve had them since you were a little girl.

The photo collage that you have on the wall next to the bed of all your current friends, quotes, articles and words that inspire you seem to taunt you. There are several pictures of Eridan up there. You sniff, feeling like crying all over again. “You don’t mean anything to me, (f/n).”

You hear a familiar buzz and look at your open laptop that you had left on. Someone was pestering you. Forcing yourself to not get shaken up, you swallow and sit down on the leather office chair that was at your desk with your laptop. Opening the screen, you are greeted by Karkat Vantas’s message.

--carcinoGeneticist [cG] began trolling chumHandle [cH] at 6:00 PM--
cG: [6:00 PM] HEY FUCKASS.
cG: [6:00 PM] I’M TALKING TO YOU, ASSHOLE.
cG: [6:01 PM] ANSWER.
cH: [6:01 PM] what do you want karkat?
cG: [6:02 PM] WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ERIDAN?
cG: [6:03 PM] HE’S ACTING REALLY FUCKING DOUCHEY TODAY. I TRIED TALKING TO HIM AND HE WAS BEING A IGNORANT FUCKER.
cH: [6:04 PM] i’d rather not talking about it, if you don’t mind.
cG: [6:04] FUCK OFF AND ANSWER.
cG: [6:05] SO DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE TO WHAT’S GOING ON?
cG: [6:07] YOU BETTER NOT NOT REPLY.

--chumHandle [cH] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [cG] at 6:08 PM--

cG: [6:09 PM] WELL FUCK YOU TOO.

--carcinoGeneticist [cG] ceased trolling chumHandle [cH] at 6:09 PM--

Sniffling, you crawl into your bed. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, this will all be a dream...

Even incoherent, you knew that that was a lie.

--

[four days later]

{lie to convince me that i’ll be better off
so you go on and i’ll be happier
i’ll be happier
you go on, yeah, you go on
youll be gone and i’ll be happier}

It had been four days since Eridan and you stopped being moirails, and each day was a living hell. You could barely eat or sleep, though you wanted the latter; when sleeping, even if it was for two hours, it was like you forgot what happened. It was your kingdom of peace, but one that wouldn’t accept you. It was hard to fall asleep - all you could do was cry, and sit in your room, staring at the walls and bringing yourself down all over again.

People pestered you, and trolled you, but you didn’t bother answering. You knew how this would end; they would stop being your friends, too, following Eridan’s lead. And for once, you wanted to be the first person to break it off and make it easier on them. You decided to just gradually not talk to them, and they would realize they didn’t need you and continue on with their lives. Just like everyone else.
You hear knock on the door, and let out a weak, “Come in.” Your voice was scratchy for not using it. Your mom was severely worried, and she would hover over you when she was home, or at least pace outside your door for a good ten minutes after checking up on you. She’s threatened more than once to take you to the doctor’s to get checked on, but you start crying and she looks broken as she leaves the room.

“(f/n),” she finally says as the enters the room. You don’t look at her. “(f/n) (l/n), look at me this instant young lady.” Her voice held a shocking amount of pain and anger. You didn’t tell her flat out what had happened, just said, “Eridan,” and she would nod. Now, she obviously wasn’t standing for your current well being any farther.

You force yourself to meet her gaze. Her eyes are glassy as she takes you in. “Honey, you need to understand that you can’t live like this,” she says in a soft, mom-like voice. She reaches towards were you sat on the bed, sitting down beside you. She was still in her business suit from working in the office, seeing as she had just gotten home. It was winter break, so you didn’t have to go to school. It would be New Year’s Eve in five days, today being December 26th; Christmas had meant nothing to you yesterday, as you had been forced to open your presents and thank your parents flatly. You had proceeded to go back up to your room and wallow in the self-pity you felt.

You were broken and you knew that you would never stop. After Eridan, you knew that that was the last straw and you no longer would want to make friends with people. You couldn’t bring yourself to trust anyone other than your parents anymore. They knew all about your history with fake friends - and they tried to make you happy, they really did. This time around was the worst time, you were sure, because the friends that you had lost a couple of days ago meant more to you than any other people ever would.

“Honey, I know you don’t want to talk about it,” your mother continues. “I know it hurts to lose friends left and right; but it’s part of growing up.” You look at her dully which she returns with a sympathetic and knowing smile.

“Then why does it hurt so much?” you say softly.

She looks at the ground, her gaze clouded as if remembering something. You feel so terrible for doing this to her - but your depression swings couldn’t be helped, they were clinical. The doctors usually gave medicine for it, and it helped - but you had ran out of pills months ago, when you didn’t need them.

“I don’t know,” she answers. “No one knows. But it doesn’t matter to why, what matters is that some day you’re going to find friends that make you forget all about the nasty feeling you get when you lose a friend. I know that it hurts really bad right now - it always does. The pain doesn’t go away. You just get used to it because people fill the void within your heart.” She rubs the back of your hand soothingly, like she used to do when you were a little girl and had a nightmare.

“Go take a shower,” she finally orders. Wash your body and face. Put on your contacts. Feel normal for a second, even if external; you deserve it,” she passes you another sympathetic look. “Get dressed in your clothes, take a walk and have your phone with you. You need fresh air. It’s Friday, we’ll have pizza. Maybe your dad, you and me can watch a movie after dinner if you want to.”

You swallow, and take a shaky breath. “Sounds good,” you force yourself to say. You force a smile at your mom. She kisses your cheek and goes off to her room - probably to change out of her work clothes. You did as instructed - take a shower, put on your contacts, and blink as they focus. It was like you could finally see again. Smiling sadly at the thought you go back to your room, dropping the towel into the hamper, brushing your hair and braiding it over your shoulder. You choose out a pair of printed black leggings, your pink Ugg boots, and an oversized white sweater and a pink scarf that matched your boots.

Your tastes were another reason you felt sad - much like Eridan, you wore “hipster,” like clothes. You had always dressed like this, even with your other friends; apparently you were a “Tumblr girl.”

'Whatever that is.'

You look in the mirror, and instead of seeing printed black leggings with white horizontal lines with different patterns in them, you saw black and blue striped pants. Instead of your white sweater you saw a black turtleneck. Instead of a pink scarf, you saw a blue-striped one.

Stop thinking about him, you scream at yourself. Don’t think about him. He isn’t worth it because he’s just like the rest of them!

But you knew he wasn’t. Grabbing your phone, you huff and walk out of your room, closing it behind you and shouting to your mother that you had your phone and you were leaving for the walk. She calls something back that vaguely like, “Don’t get raped and don’t talk to strangers.”

Shrugging, you close the house door behind you, taking a deep breath of the cold air. Shivering, you take off out of your cul-de-sac, walking towards the neighborhood park, your arms crossed and hands hiding under in your armpits. All you can think is of the last time you were at the park, when Eridan had come to visit you on Earth. You two had spent an afternoon outside, seeing as he didn’t have a “park,” anywhere on his planet.

As you sit down on a swing, you feel your phone buzz. It was Feferi Peixes; you had found a way to download Pesterchum on your phone, to keep in touch with friends when you didn’t have a laptop. Scowling, you slide your fingers across the screen to unlock it, clicking on the home button and scrolling towards the app.

Hitting it, you wait for it to load and look at Feferi’s message even if you weren’t going to reply.

--cuttlefishCuller [cC] began pestering chumHandle [cH] at 5:40 PM--

cC: [5:40 PM] Glub! (f/n)!

Taking a deep breath, knowing she probably talked to Eridan, you shakily reply.

cH: [5:40 PM] hi Feferi.
cC: [5:41 PM] O)(, (f/n), what in the world happened? D8
cH: [5:41 PM] ...
cC: [5:42 PM] -Eridan’s reely upset. )(e’s such an idiot, I tried to talk to )(im, but it didn’t turn out so well. D8
cH: [5:43 PM] Feferi, he doesn’t like me anymore. He ended it. I don’t wish anything ill to him.
cC: [5:43 PM] I know, and I can’t B-ELI-EV-E )(e would do somet)(ing like that! D8 -Everyone else still likes you, (f/n). 38D  I don’t know w)(at got into -Eridan! D8

For a second, a spark of hope fills you. They still like you? They didn’t hate you yet?

As you reread the message over and over, the dread in the pit of your stomach grows. "-Eridan reely upset. I can’t B-ELI-EV-E )(e would do somet)(ing like that!" What did she mean Eridan was upset? He hated you, and cut off the moirallegiance! He didn’t care about you anymore. He never did.

'It’s because you’re an idiot,' hisses the voice egging on your depression at the back of your head. 'You’re just some dumb girl who got set up in a game she’ll never get out of. He doesn’t care about you. He never has and never will. God, just give up and give in already, why don’t you? '

cH:[5:50 PM]okay Feferi. Thanks for everything.

--chumHandle [cH] ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [cC] at 5:50 PM--

You sit there on the swing, swaying back and forth, staring at the scenery around you, shaking your head as you feel the tears prick at the back of your eyes all over again. Why can’t they leave you alone? you think as you check your inbox which you hadn’t in days to avoid everyone and try to stop them from hurting you further. Not a single message was from Eridan, not one even further teasing you or anything.

Tugging on your scarf, you sigh. 'It’s really over. He doesn’t want to be friends anymore.'

The cold causes your eyes to water further, and the tears stream down your face for the fifth time in the four days. It still hurt, despite your mother’s words - you know she was partially lying to make you feel better. You were grateful and filled with spite at the same time; the same way you had always been when you got friends.

“Noww wwhy are you cryin’?” asks a familiar voice. It was filled with pain - unlike the last time you heard it. Snapping your head up, you saw Eridan Ampora standing there, his blue striped scarf billowing in the wind. No no no no no please God no why is this happening, streams through your mind, and you’re frozen there on the swing, your eyes wide and mouth hanging open. You felt the tears prick at your eyes again, because he is here and he is here here here standing in front of you -

Before you can help it you let out a strangled sound from your throat, your feet moving on their own at the mission to get yourself out of here and away from the boy who was once your best friend. You couldn’t see him again, you just couldn’t. The memories of the last time you were last at this park with him are filling your mind like water rising, filling you to the brim with haunting calls of laughter and smiles that turned out to be fake.

You’re on the grass, away from the sand when you’re tackled to the ground. You let out a pathetic cry as you fall, the tears falling down harder as you hit the grass.

{shoot me with your rubber bullet,
your  fingers on the trigger, pull it}

Eridan is on top of you, staring down at you and for once his eyes and face are open, filled with emotion that you’ve never seen before. His glasses that frame his eyes are falling off his face, hanging dangerously close to yours due to the proximity of how close he is to you. His gray skin, smooth and gray, is now lined. He looks older since the last time you saw him, like he had aged over night. His violet-like irises are filled with a simple sorry, and there are bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept for years.

He looked like a ghost, nothing like the Sea Prince you last saw.

You squeezed your eyes shut, ready for terrible words, teasing remarks on how you look, maybe even a harsh physical contact - anything. Your heart which you had tried so hard to guard and build the walls up to again are crumbling down since you saw him, falling apart and your heart is beating so hard you’re scared he can hear it. Thump thump thump thump; it’s taunting to your ears, remarking how you’re nothing without him or emotions. Remarking how you were a failure.

“(f/n),” Eridan whispers, so close to your face it hurts. You open your eyes, filled with tears. It really hurt and you think he actually understands for once, judging by the look on his face. Before you can say anything, he pulls away and grabs you harshly. You knew that it would come, the harsh touches.

Except you’re surprised to find that he’s pulling you towards him in a desperate kind of way, like you were the only thing left to hold on to in a flood. He pulls you into his lap, and the smell of Eridan suddenly hits you and you start bawling.

You’re sitting on his legs as he holds you like a scared child, cradling you, your head to his chest as he buries his face in your hair. You can’t stop the tears that are coming, as you cling to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. Your tears are staining his black shirt, but for once, it didn’t seem to matter to him. He smells like salt water and cologne - an odd combination that you had always associated with Eridan Ampora over the years of knowing him.

“Shh,” he cooes into your ear. His warm breath hits the shell of it, making you shiver involuntarily. Why was he so capricious - so quick to change emotions? It hurt hurt hurt even farther because the way he’s holding on to you, it’s making it seem like he actually needs you. He said he wanted nothing to do with you a few days ago - why was he changing? You were so confused, yet you continued to stay with the gill-boy because you love love loved him. If he needed you you were there for him; you always would be, even after this he told you he hated you again and never wanted to talk to you.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m so sorry.” You can feel him shake, his cool body trembling underneath your touch as you trace his back in circles to try to comfort him. “I don’t glubbin’...” he trails off, and you hear him sniffle, and dear lord if there was ever the worst sound in your life it was hearing that - Eridan Ampora sniffle like he wanted to cry. It was heartbreaking.

He pulls back, observing your face that was red and marked with tears. You sniffle, looking down. Eridan cups your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his face. His expression had melted to sorrow, and his eyes were glassy, like he wanted to cry. The lines on his face before had disappeared, replaced with a childish look, like you were his “lusus,” and he had a nightmare and needed you and you had told him no. It was like the world was slipping out from underneath him.

Your tears are light now, falling down more slowly, one by one. He leans forward and kisses your cheek, his calloused thumbs whisking the tears away. He pulls you to him again, hugging you close. It was cold out - colder than when you left the house.

“Eridan, why do you want me to leave?” your voice was small as you worked up the courage to ask him that question. “What did I do?”

He pulls you away from him, gathering your small hands in his large ones. “Cod,” he finally says. His bottom lip is trembling. “I’m a terrible moirail.”  He swallows, and his eyes are soft when he looks at you. “I’m so sorry, (f/n),” he whispers. “You deserve so much better than me.” He finally starts crying.

You lean forward and take off his glasses and repeat the same process he had done for you - you kiss his cheek and wipe away his tears with your thumbs. You whisper that it’s okay, that it’s fine, and he’s just shaking his head. When he’s finally done crying, his gray skin faintly marked with violent from his tears, he starts talking.

{i know you want this suffering to end,
so it is forgivable, my friend.}

“Fef told me she didn’t -” his voice broke, just like your heart. “She told me she didn’t like me two ‘months’ ago. She said I was irritatin her, that I should give up, that she didn’t like me back in the way I felt for her.” His lip is trembling again.

Your expression softens into one of sympathy. “Oh, Eridan,” you whisper, pulling him into a hug. His trembling got worse, and you knew he was fighting off tears as he whimpers into your shoulder blade. You smooth back his messy hair due to the wind, careful of his horns.

“And then,” he continues, voice muffled due to your sweater. “Sol was being rude as usual, and I don’t know wwhy it was so glubbin’ hard on me.” He pulls back, his hands on your jaw and thumbs brushing your cheeks ever so lightly, like he was afraid that if he would rub too hard you would break and disappear. “I realized that you could do so much fuckin’ better than me as your moirail. Hell, anyone could sea that.” You smile at his pun that he didn’t realized he used. “I didn’t wwant you to realize one day you could do better and push me awway. So I tried to push you awway first.”

“Eridan Ampora,” your voice shook with emotion as you placed your hands over his, sliding them off your face and holding them between yours. Your face was cold, but you smile sadly at the boy. “You’re an idiot. I love you. I love you. You’re the only one I would ever want as a moirail. I don’t want anyone else. Why didn’t you come to me when Feferi rejected you?” He didn’t reply. “Eridan, I’m always gonna be here for you. No matter what, okay?” You place your hand on his cheek, making him look into your eyes.

And suddenly he’s smiling, hinted with sadness, but smiling all the less. You pull him close, and hug him again. It was warm against the cold, both of you whispering how much you mean to each other. He pulls back after a few minutes and kisses your forehead.

“I’m a fuckin’ idiot,” he states. “And you could do so much better than me - no, don’t argue,” he adds when you open your mouth to protest. “But (f/n), you mean so much to me. Is there any wway you could take me back? I love you,” hesitating, he finally says the human term - something you had never heard him use before. “ - best friend?”

And you start laughing, nodding your head and smiling at him. “Yes, Eridan Ampora,” you say. “It would be my honor.”

And when you two hug, you know that it’s final.